Monday, July 23, 2012

Those Little Lazy Things (A Monday Mommy Rant)

Pet Peeves. We all have them. If you're anything like me you have a LOT of them. Little nagging things that grate on your nerves and get under your skin. Now even though I don't have enough fingers to count the little things that make my eyes roll so far back in my head I look blind, there is one thing that drives me more crazy than the rest put together - totally unjustified acts of slobbish laziness. I read somewhere once that if stay at home Moms were paid an annual salary it would easily total more than 6 figures a year. I concur. Still waiting to see that paycheck I might mention. Why the big bucks?? Because us Moms are not only on call 24 hours a day, our job is never done. There is always a meal to prepare, a mess to clean, a lesson to teach, a booboo to be kissed better, a pair of dueling children to separate, a load of laundry to be washed and folded, a list of errands to be run, bills to be paid, kids to be bathed....I could go on. So amongst my busy day when I notice a small act of unnecessary laziness I can't help but want to pull my hair out and run screaming for the door. Instead I sigh and once again roll my eyes to the heavens. Feel my pain?? Here are a few that I come across most often in my home -

1. Where is that movie...?? It's not in it's case...but another one is..along with 2 others that do not belong. It's not in the pile of dvds stacked upside down and rightside up next to the dvd player and on top of the wall unit. On second thought why the %$&# are none of these damn things in the cases to which they belong?? Who keeps doing this?! If you ask my husband he says it must be his Mother. If you ask her she doesn't use the thing at all because she doesn't understand how our system is all put together. My 7 year old sure isn't the one doing it. So apparently we have a hoard of dvd swapping gnomes living somewhere hidden in our home. Maybe they're bunking with the ones that keep hanging the toilet paper roll the wrong way and leave trails of mystery crumbs on my kitchen counter every morning. It's about time I declare war on these suckas.

2. Man socks. Oh man socks. How is it that I constantly find crumpled balls of stinky man socks ALL over my house on a regular basis. Every time I turn around there they are. All crunchy and stanky and abandoned like some sort of a shed skin. How many pairs of socks a day is my husband wearing?? All of these cannot possibly be his. Frankly I am growing a little concerned. Between you and I am strongly considering staging an intervention.

3. Itty bitty teeny weeny little...bits of toilet paper?? What is this?? It's almost like stumbling upon a trail of bread crumbs but it leads nowhere exciting at all. A dusty corner. A pocket under the stairs. They don't seem dirty at all. Not like someone has used them to blow their nose or anything of that nature. This always leaves me feeling kerfuffled. I never see anyone actually do this. Yet the very next day there they are again. One of my children is surely an evil mastermind because this daily ritual is driving me round the bend. At least they are more than happy to yield a broom and dustpan when asked of them. Yup - we're in this together.

4. So close. But not quite. The laundry hamper is only a foot away and yet the clothes only made it just that far. Why? Why? WHY? I even went as far as to provide each of my children with their very own laundry hamper that they keep in their very own bedrooms. And yet. There must be something about placing soiled clothing directly inside of a laundry hamper that chills both husbands and children alike to the bone. Is it an act of superstition?? Perhaps the hamper itself is haunted?? All I know is it's lucky this crew has a handy Momma like me around otherwise I'm unsure their underpants would see a spin cycle again any time soon.

5. Who doesn't love the smell of mildew in the morning?? There is nothing quite like finally carving out 5 minutes to have a hot shower, closing the door to the bathroom and finding a heap of wet towels on the floor knee height deep. Where? What? How? Usually this pile is directly next to what I've been told is a fully functional towel rack.No amount of swearing and pacing the bathroom is going to make the pile disappear - trust me, Ive tried.  I guess that shower will have to wait until's time to toss in yet another load of laundry.

Now that I've gotten that off of my chest I need to know - what little things do you find around your home that drive you absolutely crazy?? If you need a good de-stresser I can recommend a fabulous Chardonnay. Cheers!!


Anonymous said...

This is hilarious... I have random sock around my house to I am so glad I am not alone... My gnomes live in my fridge and they drink all milk, juice, eat the butter, ketchup and such and leave the empty containers in there for me to replace. Grrr...

Amy - while wearing heels said...

I love your mommy rants. They always make me laugh out loud and nod my head in agreement. I am not alone. Thank goodness, I am not alone :)