Monday, January 30, 2012

Snip Snip - A Monday Mommy Rant

So I'm going back on what I said in a previous rant by even discussing this out in the open but ladies I have a few things to say to the fellas!! By some peoples standards we have an obscene number of children - 3, try not to choke on your hateraid. In my opinion that's pretty average but everywhere we go little old ladies tend to scold me on my decision to allow myself to wander around with what must appear to them as an entourage. We all have our own opinions on how many children is enough for ones own family and for ours the magic number is 3. Now even though I have said the last damn thing I like to do is discuss birth control options with strangers I'm going outside of my comfort zone and doing just that for this weeks rant.

V is for....Victory?? Victory...vasectomy...same thing. Potato...patato. I was lucky enough to be blessed with a husband who didn't need redunkulous amounts of convincing and begging and pleading to book the big snip snip. Sure, he's a man so he isn't exactly over the moon about the idea of having anyone cut into his matter how qualified..but lets face it - for us the benefits far out way the fear factor. So if my man can suck it up for the sake of a worry free sex life then what in the heck are all these other dudes complaining about?? This brings me to my first point. Growing up I was surrounded by men that referred to the procedure as "being neutered." Of "having the venom drained out of the cobra." Of "having ones manhood taken away." And it seems nowadays days these pansies are everywhere. Look if I can push 3 watermelons out of my yahoo I'm pretty sure you can handle a half an hour of discomfort while under anesthetic. Take one for the team. 48 hours of recoup time while popping pain killers and wearing tight underpants vastly pales in comparison to what your wives will have to experience if you end up hitting another bulls-eye. If you are 100% certain your baby making days are over then as my husband would say - "don't be such a pussy".

Ladies once your man has made the decision to shut down the supersperm highway I have a piece of advice for you. Keep him the hell away from friends and family who can't wait to share their horror story of how so-and-so had a botched vasectomy. EVERYONE knows someone who has had a bad experience with a vasectomy. That's because this procedure is not exactly groundbreaking territory. They've been doing this shit for a LONG time. Back in the day when scalpels were the primary tool involved you heard of a lot more instances of post-surgery infections and lengthy healing times. Sure nowadays the odd person has an unpleasant reaction but that goes for pretty much ANY kind of medical procedure. The last thing you want to do is scare the living daylights out of your husband with a surgery date looming ahead. Men are babies. Think how they respond when attempting to cope with a common cold. Keep the scareorists away from your man and his boys down below. Instead tell him the story of a friend of mines husband who ran a marathon the day after having his procedure. A jockstrap is a wonderful thing.

Lastly if a vasectomy is for you it's your decision as a couple. Same goes for if the whole idea doesn't float your boat. Opinions of mother-in-laws, friends who still act like frat boys and nosy co-workers do NOT count. I have friends who have had beyond horrible things said to them by unsupportive outsiders while making this very personal and major life changing decision. This is why they make pepper spray. Just saying.

1 comment:

Katie Burnett said...

This post is spot on. Loved it!